DIVORCE AGREEMENT
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a our separation agreement:
--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Rosie O'Donnell, George Clooney, Eva Longoria, Beyonce and the rest of the Hollywood liberal actors and comedians. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all of them.
--We'll keep capitalism.
--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
--We'll keep the alternative media.
--You can have ABC, CBS, NBC, NPR and their newscasters, Charles Gibson, Charlie Rose, Sam Donaldson, George Stephanopoulos, Ted Koppel, Diane Sawyer, the liberal ladies from The View, etc., etc., etc., and Hollywood.
--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters (especially the Viet Nam protesters). When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
--We'll keep our Bibles and Judeo-Christian values.
--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a our separation agreement:
--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Rosie O'Donnell, George Clooney, Eva Longoria, Beyonce and the rest of the Hollywood liberal actors and comedians. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all of them.
--We'll keep capitalism.
--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
--We'll keep the alternative media.
--You can have ABC, CBS, NBC, NPR and their newscasters, Charles Gibson, Charlie Rose, Sam Donaldson, George Stephanopoulos, Ted Koppel, Diane Sawyer, the liberal ladies from The View, etc., etc., etc., and Hollywood.
--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters (especially the Viet Nam protesters). When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
--We'll keep our Bibles and Judeo-Christian values.
--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
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